This morning I awakened early and couldn't get back to sleep. This not being normal, I decided to clear some debris from my home desk and have a quiet time. As I scooped some of the piles from my desk I discovered the latest issue of Texas Monthly. Quickly removing it from the confines of it's plastic straight-jacket, I discovered a letter firmly attached to the cover. It was a renewal offer. And, the offer appeared inviting. But when I began to scan the magazine a couple of post cards fell out. They were both cards soliciting subscribers to Texas Monthly. And, the cards offered a better deal than the letter.
So in my still-sleep-deprived state, I wrote the following letter:
Ms. Rebecca Chandler, Audience Development
Texas Monthly
PO Box 421935
Palm Coast, FL 32142-1935
Re: Our “Best Deal”
Dear Ms. Chandler,
Realizing this will probably never reach your desk because it’s not a renewal of your “best deal,” this letter is now just an attempt to register my indignation at what I perceive to be an abuse of the word “best.” Plus, it’s also an attempt to discover one of the great mysteries of our day, that mystery being, “do publishers ever read the mail we, the loyal customers, write?”
This morning I opened my latest edition of Texas Monthly and found the attached letter offering me an EXCLUSIVE RENEWAL OFFER! You ask me to renew my subscription now to help you plan better so you can offer me the savings you will reap from knowing your upcoming paper and printing needs. And, if “I act now I’ll enjoy the greatest savings. These are your best offers.” You proceed to offer me 26 issues for just $25.00. This amounts to $.96 per copy, which is a decent bargain.
HOWEVER, in one of the many annoying post cards you, like most publishers insist on inserting into my magazines these days, I find an offer made that will allow ANYONE, not just a loyal subscriber like me whom you are attempting to court into a long-term relationship, an even “bester deal!” This offending card (which I’m also enclosing) allows JUST ANYONE, not just a loyal subscriber like me, the “best deal” of “3 years for $32.00.” Assuming that this means 36 issues (and that assumption is based upon a monthly magazine being delivered to my door monthly) are available to JUST ANYONE for a mere $.88 per copy.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND MY INDIGNATION? Me, a loyal subscriber, offered your “best deal” at $.96 per issue while JUST ANYONE can get your mag for $.88. Where is the outcry over the abuse of the word “best?” Where is the injustice over JUST ANYONE getting a “bester” deal than me, a loyal subscriber?
And while I’ve got your attention, why is Texas Monthly being developed by someone in Florida? Does this not constitute outsourcing at its’ rawest? I mean, come on, we’re Texans, a fiercely independent people and someone in Florida is working “audience development” for our state’s flagship magazine? This should be a call-to-arms to any right-thinking Texan. Why has Texas Monthly not covered this with a scathing article about the fleeing of jobs from our state to Florida?
Please read this letter in the spirit in which it really is intended, a tongue-in-cheek attempt to poke fun at your marketing plan. You really need to write that your offer in the letter is “our best deal for the mathematically challenged.” I’m not really incensed, just amused, at what’s happening. And by-the-way, I won’t renew today, I’m going to wait for your “bestest” deal when I probably can order your ‘zine for $.79.
(In)sincerely,
Now that I have this off my chest I probably could get back to sleep. However, it's now the normal time for me to arise and have my quiet time. Oh well.
Oh, do you think Rebecca or any of her minons will respond? Only time will tell.
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